Allowing
Hi friends! This week I want to talk about an idea that is not for the faint of heart. Together, let’s throw caution to the wind and do something radical. Let’s talk about allowing.
Earlier this year, my husband and I began the hunt for a new home to lease. We hoped to have found and purchased a home at this point, but as anyone who has dipped a toe into the housing market lately would tell you, it’s wild out there. Between the inflated prices, rising interest rates and constant demand, it’s a process that is not for the faint of heart.
We decided to hold off on purchasing something in favor of renting a home. We’ve lived in apartments for nearly 10 years, but became ready to give up amenities and convenience for the space and coziness of a home. Don’t get me wrong – our situation was great, but we were ready to make a change if the opportunity were to present itself.
What was interesting about this was being in a place where we didn’t ~need~ to do anything. Sure, it would be great to try something new, but we didn’t have to make a change. This situation gave me a new vantage point to integrate and observe a practice that has proven to be quite a challenge for me: allowing.
While allowing may seem simple enough, I have found that I may have a slight tendency to want to control things… especially outcomes. I would love nothing more than to “go with the flow,” but I have an aversion to uncertainty and relying on others to produce the outcome I’m hoping for creates, what a less evolved version of me would call “unnecessary anxiety.” Can anyone relate?
But in this situation where nothing ~needed~ to be done, I found myself moving through the process of looking for a home with much more ease and flow. What is this magnificent and foreign land I have stumbled into? Like stepping into the wardrobe to Narnia, I found myself allowing. Zillow notifications were met with curiosity, not panic. Rental signs brought me joy and possibility rather than stress and a trigger finger.
In a moment of happenstance, I found what I believed to be the perfect house. A realtor I was speaking to about another property mentioned a listing he had in a part of town I wasn’t familiar with. I asked him to send me the link and could not believe what I was seeing. Nestled in the trees was a gorgeous mid-century home that was beautifully and intentionally renovated. We saw it the next day and had a lease signed within a week. As I reflected on this experience I began to wonder… Is this what life can be like all the time? Can my experience be filled with flow and free of resistance? If so, have I been causing resistance this whole time?
These questions and this experience brought me home to an idea that I learned a while back: holding loosely.
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Take a moment to imagine an outcome you’re trying to control. Once you’ve got it, imagine it as a tennis ball in your hand. The way I experience allowing is less about letting go and more about holding loosely. Rather than creating tension around the tennis ball (outcome or idea) with a clenched fist, hold it… give it space to move, and observe it with curiosity. Squeezing the ball in your hand won’t change its shape or where it lands if you toss it or let it go, but it does waste energy… your energy. It’s also worth mentioning that the creation of tension and resistance only attracts more tension and resistance – something I can say with ease now, but it’s QUITE the pill to swallow in the moment.
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As I write this, I am looking out the windows of our new home with such gratitude – not only for this beautiful place we get to call ours, but also for this experience. I was able to see the power of allowing and remember what it feels like to hold something loosely. I can’t help but wonder…
What else in my life am I trying to control?
What could benefit from a loosened grip?
What magic could I allow to happen?
Thanks for reading!
If this post resonates with you, I would so appreciate your sharing it with friends, loved ones, and colleagues.