Appreciation
Hi friends! I’m back and eager to talk about something that many of us have on our minds, especially this week. Let’s dive in…
Eleven days ago, on 11.11, I married my best friend. Surrounded by loved ones, we celebrated our love with stories, vows, tears, food, drinks and lots of dancing. As two men making this commitment to each other, the significance of this day was not lost on us — one that could not happen less than 10 years ago. When we began planning the weekend, we decided one thing rather quickly: we wanted to lead with gratitude… and not just that. Gratitude in action: appreciation.
We hoped to express our appreciation for each person who showed up to support us and our love. We also wanted to share our appreciation for all the activists who came before us, making this gathering possible, in Texas of all places.
With our words and details, we took special care to ensure that everyone present would feel the weight of this weekend and the love it carried. From cards displaying the stories of LGBTQ heroes, to heartfelt words of appreciation to every person we spoke to, we planned to lead with love, driven by appreciation. Though we are still processing the abundance of the weekend, one thing is for sure: to Christian and I, it was an overwhelmingly beautiful success.
As the Thanksgiving holiday approaches, let’s take a deeper look at the power of appreciation…
________________
A few weeks ago, I spent time in Ojai, California with a group I have been training with for a few years now. This group called “In The Field,” after the Rumi poem, gathered to discuss what it means to be a human operating “out beyond ideas of wrongdoing and rightdoing.” We talked about many of the tools refined by The Hendricks Institute, but what rose to the top as the most powerful tool to meet the moment? Appreciation.
In this context, Katie Hendricks defined appreciation as “giving your sensitive awareness to what is and articulating it.” An author and friend, Gayle Colman, later described appreciations as “generous gateways.” What became clear is that the act of appreciation is not inherently “positive,” in fact, it’s very neutral. It’s speaking to how our own aliveness is affected by another. “What is” doesn’t necessarily require an emotion, but the question here is this, “what is your intention with expressing what is?”
As this conversation deepened, it became clear that appreciation is the most powerful context. It is rooted in presence and has the power to pull the giver, receiver(s) and those witnessing into the only moment that matters: now.
Katie’s call to action with appreciation was simple: “appreciate in a way that supports genius.” In other words, when the experience of others enhances our sense of joy and aliveness, let them know. A person’s ability to resonate with another likely ties back to their essence and the way they express it in the world: their genius.
So, how do we appreciate others? Is there a best practice?
A great place to start is first by noticing when your lived experience has shifted due to the presence or actions of another. When you’ve noticed this, take a moment to feel it in your body. If that shift creates or created a feeling of joy and aliveness, consider reflecting it back in the form of an appreciation. A good formula to follow here is to let the person know how your state has been changed by them.
For example: At our wedding, Christian and I individually shared with many of our guests something like this: “It means the world to me that you showed up for us. I can’t tell you how happy it makes me that you are here celebrating with us.”
Here are a few more examples:
You witness someone who is really good with kids in action and you notice a feeling of joy that brings to you. Rather than saying “you are so good with kids,” try speaking to how seeing this has changed your own state. “It makes me so happy to see you playing with kids. You are so good with them.”
It could be as simple as noticing that someone did something for you and following up with… “[name], you made my day so much easier by doing that for me. Thank you.”
I have a feeling that most, if not all of us have experienced this feeling: being caught off guard by words of appreciation that enhance your own sense of aliveness. When this has happened to me, my experience has been a feeling of closeness, not necessarily to the person sharing the appreciation, but to myself. It’s as if the person sharing the appreciation sees my proximity to my own essence and genius. They then go “out of their way” to reflect it back to me, creating an unmatched sense of joy that immediately brings me back to the present moment and the experience of being truly seen. Gosh it is a great feeling. Wouldn’t you agree?
So friends, as we enter this season of gratitude, let’s try something a little different. Rather than sharing what we are grateful for, let’s put those words to action by sharing appreciations. Let’s reflect the joyful spark of essence and genius back to those around us, letting them know they are truly seen, loved, and of course, appreciated.
Much of these learnings have come from exploration and co-creation with The Hendricks Institute community, its teachers and facilitators.
Thanks for reading!
If this post resonates with you, I would so appreciate your sharing it with friends, loved ones, and colleagues.