Love
Hi friends! I’ve planned to write about love for several months now, but I’ve struggled to sum it up in something as simple as an article. So today, I am going to reflect a snapshot of my current (though ever-evolving) experience of love along with ideas and words from some of my favorite writers, authors and scientists. Let’s dive in.
Love. It’s one of the most powerful and mysterious forces we experience. It moves us, it shapes us, and it can change the way we see the world.
The way that I have experienced love, or the sensation of it, has been highlighted in its contrast. That is, the fear of losing it or being apart from the object of it. It’s a sensation of pulling in my chest as if there is a rope connecting me to the other. It’s a sense of deep longing.
“But it isn't absence that causes sorrow. It is affection and love. Without affection, without love, such absences would cause us no pain. For this reason, even the pain caused by absence is, in the end, something good and even beautiful, because it feeds on that which gives meaning to life.”
- Carlo Rovelli, The Order of Time
And when you’re in it and allowing yourself to be present with it… time moves differently.
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Here is a passage from my vows to my husband:
“Einstein’s theory of general relativity states that the experience of time is unique to each of us. Time can be influenced by the presence of massive objects, causing it to pass more slowly in stronger gravitational fields. We can experience the same phenomenon through the attractive, pulling forces of the things that matter most to us… family, friends, passion projects, loved ones… and for me, you.”
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“Put your hand on a hot stove for a minute, and it seems like an hour. Sit with a pretty girl [or boy] for an hour, and it seems like a minute. That’s relativity.”
- Albert Einstein
One of my favorite perspectives on love was shared in the film Interstellar. For those that haven’t seen the film, in a tense moment where a major decision is being made, Anne Hathaway’s character suggest that love could be a valid point of consideration. She says “love is the one thing we're capable of perceiving that transcends dimensions of time and space. Maybe we should trust that, even if we can't understand it.”
This idea creates an incredible sense of aliveness for me. How wild is that? Something that transcends the fundamental rules by which all physical things must play… even time.
Among the many theatrical references in my vows to Christian, I also quoted a line from the film Practical Magic… “I dream of a love that even time will lie down and be still for.” To this day, it’s one of the most beautiful lines I’ve heard, and it resonates deeply with my experience of love.
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When I think about love, I cannot help but think about the spaces and places where it feels absent. I think about the unspeakable atrocities that are happening on the global stage, as well as those happening behind closed doors all around the world. How can things like this be happening in a universe where there is love?
“We cultivate love when we allow our most vulnerable and powerful selves to be deeply seen and known, and when we honor the spiritual connection that grows from that offering with trust, respect, kindness and affection. Love is not something we give or get; it is something that we nurture and grow, a connection that can only be cultivated between two people when it exists within each one of them – we can only love others as much as we love ourselves. Shame, blame, disrespect, betrayal, and the withholding of affection damage the roots from which love grows. Love can only survive these injuries if they are acknowledged, healed and rare.”
– Brené Brown
I also believe the absence of love is deeply connected to the idea of scarcity — that love is a resource that is available in finite amounts and must be given and therefore received sparingly. This has not been my experience of the true nature of love.
Love is something that can be generated, cultivated and shared infinitely, so long as we are willing to be vulnerable enough to continue to cycle. Scarcity mindset has a funny way of building walls and encouraging isolation. How can such a mindset be assigned to something that exists outside of the fundamental rules of our physical experience?
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On this particular day where the word love comes in red, flowers and chocolate, I would like to propose something else…
Love is not a pie. It’s our universe. It costs nothing to share. It costs nothing to receive. It’s available. It can be experienced everywhere -- even within us -- if we are willing to let it in.
Happy Valentine’s Day friends. I hope your day is filled with love — love for others, but most importantly, love of yourself.
Thanks for reading!
If this post resonates with you, I would so appreciate your sharing it with friends, loved ones, and colleagues.