Pain
Hi friends! Today I want to share an experience that has shifted my perspective on the experience of pain and discomfort. Let’s dive in.
Being where your body is may seem simple enough, but I believe it’s one of the most challenging things to do, especially in the time we live in. With constant distractions and avenues of escape, it’s easy to step out of our current experience and away from presence.
Some might say that at times it’s too hard to be present with something because the pain of experiencing it is too great. My response to that is a story where presence actually saved me from a profound experience of pain.
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Presencing Pain
About a year ago, I found myself in an ambulance on the way to the hospital. This was the second time I would find myself in the ER in two weeks. I had a recurring mass that was pushing against nerves and muscles in my pelvic floor, radiating pain throughout my entire body in sharp surges. This time, the pain was so great that I couldn’t walk, hence the ambulance ride.
When we arrived, I begged the triage nurses to get me in a room, which to me meant medication and sedation. I needed to escape this pain. But with the nurse shortage going on at the time, I had several hours ahead of me in the ER waiting room.
The pain was so excruciating that I was hyperventilating through tears, unable to believe the pain and inability to receive the care I so desperately needed. After some time, I realized I needed to resource my own path to move through this experience until I was able to be helped. What came through was something quite remarkable: what if I presenced this pain rather than fear it.
A few weeks before this, a big question I had was whether pain was presence. Surely it was grounding me into the present moment, forcing me to feel. But with the help of my mom, I came to the realization that this was not true. Sure, the pain was real, but the fear surrounding the pain was driving my experience — the fear that this pain would continue and never stop. I was using information and fear from the past to inform fear of the future. I found myself with one foot in the past and one in the future, straddling with great effort the one place I needed to be: the present.
Back in the ER, I decided to try something. Rather than focusing on how long this pain will last or when I’ll be seen by a doctor, what if I focused on what was absolutely true to my experience right now? I touched the wheelchair and repeated to myself over and over again “I am in this chair. I am touching this chair. I can feel this chair.” With the other hand clasping my husband’s sweater I said to myself, “Christian is with me. I am touching his sweater. I can feel his sweater.”
I went on and on like this with just about everything around me until Christian managed to get the nurses to get me some help. What seemed like minutes of presencing to me was in reality several hours. I managed to allow the pain in the present without fixating on suffering. This experience has been one of the most profound learnings of my life and it’s something I do my best to integrate, even outside of extreme circumstances like this one.
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Pain vs Suffering
“It’s not the problem that causes suffering; it’s our thinking about the problem.” - Byron Katie
Following the experience I mentioned previously and others like it, I have learned that there is a difference between pain and suffering. While pain is a very real experience, the fear of the pain is what initiates suffering. In my experience, if I am able to become present with the pain and keep my thoughts away from fear in the past and future, I can prevent suffering.
Now, this is MUCH easier said than done, but having experienced it working in this extreme case, I feel like there is some reality to this idea.
Techniques like distraction can be helpful too, but I’ve found that they don’t always take my mind as far away as it would need to be in these times of heightened discomfort.
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The Practice
When experiencing pain or discomfort…
Take three full, deep breaths
Locate yourself in relation to the space around you
Notice your immediate environment, use your hands if you can
Speak out loud or to yourself what is undoubtedly true about your present experience, dropping stories about past and future
Repeat until your pain or discomfort subsides
Note: This is not medical advice and does not replace medical intervention.
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While I am still healing and learning from this experience, my hope in sharing this story is to provide a new perspective on what it means to experience pain and how it can differ from suffering. I also hope this practice can be helpful to anyone experiencing any range of discomfort.
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Since this topic is quite the bummer, I thought I would share something to lighten the mood…
When mentioning that I was writing this topic, my mom said, “All I can think about when you say that title is…” And before she finished her sentence I said, “Dakota Fanning’s character in the Twilight movies.” We both laughed.
I would say spoiler alert here, but if you haven’t seen these movies by now, you probably shouldn’t. The CGI and writing does not hit the same as it did over 10 years ago. You could try the books, but I haven’t read them and don’t feel confident recommending.
For those unaware, Dakota Fanning’s character in the Twilight films would say “pain” to herself as she telekinetically caused pain to others. Bella Swan as a vampire is able to shield those around her from the pain inflicted by Dakota Fanning’s character, Jane. During our conversation, my mom and I drew the far-fetched connection to Bella’s power and presence, blocking the influence of pain and preventing suffering.
For those who get it, and appreciate twilight memes, hope you got a laugh. For those who didn’t, apologies for the obscure pop-culture reference.
“Pain.” - Jane
Thanks for reading!
If this post resonates with you, I would so appreciate your sharing it with friends, loved ones, and colleagues.